Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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