I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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