my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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