I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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