I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
