I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
