I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
