My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
