I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
