dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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