College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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