Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
