i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
