Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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