I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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