I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
