she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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