Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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