he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
