She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
