i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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