i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
