Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
