my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
