Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
