We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
