Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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