she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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