Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
