OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
