Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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