Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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