He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
