Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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