Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
