I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
