I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
