It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize