I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
