Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
