did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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