I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
