Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
