Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
