Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
