She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
