Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
