I am in a vortex of obligation.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
