Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
