i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
