i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
