Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
