I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
