I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
