yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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