My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
