this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
