1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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