She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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