She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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