On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
