I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
