Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
