I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
