i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was born a porn star she said
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this will be a night to untag.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Randomize
