there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
