I accidentally had phone sex last night
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
